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So in what warped way could this possibly become chronic and why in the world would we do that to ourselves anyway?
I think we can look at this from several different perspectives.
If we take a scientific approach and consider how the brain works – specifically neuroplasticity – then it’s fair to say that, because the neurons that fire together wire together, the simple act of repeatedly buying into drama in our lives encourages our brains to literally rewire and reshape to reflect this (you can swear now if you’re the type).
Consider Dr Edward De Bono’s analogy of rain falling on a flat plain. First the water forms puddles then the puddles join and slowly the water begins to flow to the lowest point. As it does it takes some of the soil with it and before too long little streams begin to form and eventually rivers. Next time it rains the water flows directly into these rivers.
Same with the brain. Neural networks form and strengthen on a ‘use it or lose it’ basis. Continually buy into drama and guess what? Your first and most natural reaction when faced with some sort of challenge or difficulty in life will be to go, ‘Oh poor me!’, and default into victimhood.
By telling an ‘Oh poor me’ story you will naturally attract to you people who are willing to listen to an ‘Oh poor me story’ and maybe even indulge in ‘Oh poor me’ type behaviour – eg bitching type behaviour that goes something like “Jeez you know what happened to me today…”, to which the appropriate reply is, “Oh you poor thing… but let me tell you what happened to me!”, which soon becomes an enduring habit generally reinforced by escapist pursuits – because reality is of course painful – maybe even aided by drink and drugs.
The hard part about this is the more you go around the loop the more you reinforce the neural networks and behavioural patterns and – yep you got it – the more you go around the loop, such that your expectations about what you deserve change and you retreat into trying to work out what might go wrong and how you are going to deal with it when it does which – yep you guessed it – means you’re now focussed on what might go wrong and hence put energy into creating what you don’t want. (Swear now.)
From a shamanic perspective we could consider the concept of intergenerational wounds.
If your mum or dad had drama syndrome and plodded through life telling an ‘Oh poor me’ story then the behavioural patterns they pass on to you – and the energetic wound – is along the lines of, “Life sucks and when it does that’s just more evidence to prove that it does and hence more reason to find good ways of escaping”. Don’t bother trying to cope just find a way to escape.
Bugger!
And all this just from a habit?
Yep.
An habitual way of being.
You can tell if you’ve got it by asking: When good things happen to you, do you find it hard to accept and instead start waiting for something to go wrong?
When bad things happen, do you find yourself saying, ‘That’d be right!’, and getting angry and frustrated, but deep down secretly accepting that as your lot in life?
Choose what you want to focus on – by that I mean thoughts – then act accordingly. Then do it repeatedly in spite of whatever happens.
I had a lesson in this just recently. I grow medicinal plants and some of them are in my front yard. The other day I went up to the shop to get a paper and some milk and when I came back I saw that some plants had been stolen.
My initial reaction was anger followed by thoughts of GBH to the perpetrator, followed by an ‘Oh poor me story’ and a ‘That’d be right’. Slowly though I realised how disempowering that story was and how it painted me into a corner as a victim afraid of the world, thinking about how I was going to get a bigger fence and maybe some security and a BIG dog!
Eventually I realised that I didn’t want to live like that and that I didn’t need to feed the energy of the person who had done such a low act. I’m not God, I don’t need to be the judge, I don’t need to buy into someone else’s stuff and I don’t even need to know why it happened. Fear of it happening again simply draws my focus onto the fear and the negative, which is what I don’t want.
I choose then to hold my space and focus on abundance. To have compassion for the person that did that knowing that “We are punished by our sins, not for them.”[Elbert Hubbard]
So, if your drama syndrome has become chronic, my advice to you is get off the drip feed of negative energy, manage your focus and CHOOSE what space you hold – NO MATTER WHAT!
Dr A.C. Ping, PhD, is an existential philosopher specialising in self-mastery, leadership and ethics. His books have been published around the world and his current work is focused on helping organisations embed ethical systems. www.acping.net
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