Relationships are
the mirrors of life

Image: Elia Pellegrini | UnsplashWe find ourselves when we dare to look through the mirror of truth, and into the depths of who we came here to be
by Niaby Codd
Smoke and mirrorsOur relationship to ourselves is THE most important relationship for us to master, yet it often goes largely ignored.
It is only when we master our relationship to self, that we can then start to master our relationship to others, through the eyes of love and experience.

The relationship that we have to others is often a mirror to show us what we still have to heal in ourselves. Sometimes the most challenging of relationships can actually be the biggest gifts! They can shine light on the darkness of our insecurities.

When I refer to mirrors, that does not necessarily mean that the trait of one person in the relationship matches that of the other’s. It can quite often be the reversed reflection that we need to see.

For example, one partner cheating does not necessarily mean that the other, deep down, is also a cheat. Instead, it may mean that we need to look at our own insecurities around being cheated on. We may need to look at deep-rooted issues that we hold that do not allow for us to have loving and trusting romantic relationships.

We need to go deep. And we need to allow these reflections to hold us accountable for the mastery of our own self.
How do we go deep?Awareness is key here – the first step is to really look at what is triggering you. What is making you angry? What is making you emotional? Can you discover what it is in somebody else’s behaviour that bothers you?

These are the key reflections that we need to see. If something in somebody else’s behaviour is making us mad or upset, then it is likely that there is something within ourselves, in relation to that behaviour, that we need to see.
For example, it may be that you feel that a partner does not treat you with the respect that you deserve. But ask yourself: do YOU treat yourself with the respect that you deserve? Do YOU love yourself enough? How often do YOU really appreciate who you are? Do YOU value your time and your worth?

If we do not fully love, respect, appreciate and honour ourselves, then how can we expect someone else to? It is much more likely that the partners and friendships that we attract will mirror the lack of love and respect back to us, rather than filling the gap that our own lack of self-love and self-respect has left.

To go deep we need to face ourselves with honest eyes
To do this, I would recommend writing down every time something triggers you. Look at the themes that start to unfold on the pages. Ask yourself, have you been here before? Have you been treated like this in other relationships or friendships? If so, why does this keep happening to you? Why do you keep attracting these same behaviours?

Sit with these questions. Really give yourself time to think about the answers. Whether you meditate or simply sit quietly with yourself, allow yourself the time and the space for the answers to start to surface.

It may be that memories start to come up from other related experiences. Look at those memories. Keep digging. Keep asking questions, and eventually you will get to the route cause of what is being reflected back to you.

By doing this, we start to hold ourselves accountable for our own actions and insecurities instead of laying the blame at another’s door. When we hold ourselves accountable we have the power to make the necessary changes in our lives. We can not change somebody else’s actions or behaviours, we can only change our own. But when we change our own, we will start to see that what is being reflected back to us will start to change too.

We cannot change another – we can only ever change ourselvesWhen we start to see these reflections as a gift, we can also start to navigate our way into healing relationships that may feel broken.

We need to understand that we can not change another – no matter how hard we might try. We can only ever change ourselves.

That does not mean that we should try to change ourselves to be accepted by another. It means we should heal the parts within us that stop us from being the best possible version of ourselves.
When we heal ourselves, we naturally reflect that healing back to others.

Accordingly, when we become the best version of ourselves, we inspire others to be the best possible version of themselves. When we grow and expand and learn to communicate more effectively, those that we are communicating with can also learn to grow and expand through our conscious communications.
How can we love ourselves if we are not being ourselves?Love is always the key here. We can only effectively change our relationship with ourselves and with others when we look to grow through the lens of love, compassion, and understanding.

Learning to love ourselves is one of the most challenging yet rewarding journeys that we will ever take.

From a young age, we have been taught to be who we are not. We have been taught to fit in, to be the same, to look and to act a certain way. We have lost the very essence of who we are. If we are unable to be and express the very essence of who we are, then how can we possibly love the version of ourselves that we have become?

Reconnecting to our natural gifts and passions can often help us to reconnect to the truth of who we are. When we do this, we can start to heal all that was taken from us by a society that taught us to be who we are not.

By recognising that we all live behind society’s mask, we can start to have more compassion for both ourselves and for others. We can start to understand that we are not alone, that we are all in this together and that it is not our fault – we were conditioned to be this way.

This enables us to see the healing that must take place for the whole of humanity in order for us to be free of that which controls us. This may feel like a big task, but we have the power to change things one individual journey at a time.

To change the world, change yourselfBy taking the journey into self, we learn to set ourselves free from all that has held us under. We learn how to heal our wounds, follow our dreams and expand our desires. We learn how to become the people that we were born to be.

By being who we were born to be, we can not help but fall in love with ourselves. We came here to be beautiful, magical and powerful beings, expressing our souls experientially through this beautiful gift of life. When we fall in love with ourselves, others will fall in love with us too. They will start to see their own full potential through what we reflect back to them.

Understanding the truth of ourselves can and will set us free. We just have to be willing to do the work to get us there.

If every one of us did the work to set ourselves free from a society that seeks to make us who we are not, humanity would be free to express the true beauty of who it actually is.

Disease, violence, depression, and anger all come from a society that has broken our will to be who we truly are. These things are expressions of the fractures that occur when we are ripped away from the very essence of who we came here to be. By starting the journey to heal ourselves, we also start the journey to heal the world.
My top 5 tips to start the healing journey into self1: MAKE THE DECISION TO GO ON THIS JOURNEY
This may sound simple but if you are not open to start the healing process then you will not be open to seeing the many gifts that are being offered or reflected to you as a result of your relationships.

Open up to change! Tell the universe that you are ready to start seeing yourself through the eyes of truth. Accordingly, the universe will start to reflect that truth back to you.

An extra tip here – ask for that truth to be reflected back to you slowly and at a pace that you are comfortable with. Ask to see it through joyful, happy experiences. The journey into self is a long and challenging road but it is also joyful and beautiful when we open up to see the gifts that this journey holds.

2: SPEND TIME ALONE
Our society bombards us with stimuli that distract us from truly knowing ourselves. We are so busy that we rarely get time to simply be with ourselves, to question our actions, behaviours, or thought patterns.

We often find ourselves in a perpetual pattern, doing the same thing over and over and yielding the same results. When we do not like what we yield, we simply distract ourselves more so that we do not have to face our true selves or our true reality.

To break this pattern, allocate an hour a day to remove these distractions from your life and spend time alone. Allow yourself to be with your thoughts. This may be challenging at first, as often we do not like the thoughts that are arising. Nevertheless, we need to let these thoughts come up and be seen. It is by seeing these thoughts that we start to see the truth of ourselves.
Many of us have forgotten how to simply BE. Therefore, a walk in nature can be a really good way to start, as you will still feel like you are DOING something. Walk, be, allow the thoughts to come up. Do not put any pressure on yourself to see results. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Get used to being by yourself without distractions first, then you will start to see the magic unfold.

3: ASK YOURSELF WHO YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP
Many of us are not living the lives that we envisioned for ourselves. Instead, we have become conditioned to be society’s money-makers, fitting in, being who we think we should be rather than who we actually are.
As children, we knew our true essence, and who we wanted to be. We were not yet conditioned into society’s way of thinking. We had dreams and aspirations that were not yet labelled as unachievable. Back then, we did not doubt who we were, we just were who we were.

Through years of external conditioning, many of us now see our dreams and aspirations as being unachievable. But we were all born with beautiful gifts, dreams, and passions that are the very core of who we are.

When we start to reconnect back to those dreams and passions, we naturally start to heal ourselves by simply reconnecting with the truth of who are. Because our dreams and passions ARE the truth of who we are. So ask yourself, who did you want to be when you grew up? How can you find a way to start to bring that into your reality?
Image: Vinicius Amano | Unsplash4: SEE THE GIFT IN EVERYTHING
Every experience, every relationship, every argument, every breakup are all beautiful gifts to help us to see the truth of who we are and who we came here to be.

Seeing something as a gift may not stop it from being any less of a challenging experience! But it will help us to understand why we need to go through such an experience in order for us to become who we truly are. Then the experience can help to set us free.

Take a look back at some of the challenging situations that you have had in your life. Ask yourself how you have grown from them. Additionally, ask yourself where you would be now if it was not for that experience. Maybe you could journal about all of the things that you learnt from those experiences.

Once you start to see the gift of growth from past experiences, you will be ready to start to see the gifts in your new experiences too. You will be able to use this knowledge to navigate through your challenges with more compassion, understanding, and gratitude for the experience.

5: TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR
It’s time to start to truly see yourself. Take a long hard look in the mirror to see the beauty that is reflecting back at you.

You may need to do this many times until you are able to see the beauty reflecting back. We are often very self-critical and see the worst in ourselves. But by continuously looking in the mirror and listing the things that we like about ourselves, we start to see those things more prominently through the eyes of love.

As this may be challenging at first, you can start by simply listing 5 things that you like. Then do it again the next day and try for 10, and so on. This will challenge you to keep digging deeper to find things that you like about yourself.

You might find that you surprise yourself as you find more and more likeable things about yourself.
Loving and honouring ourselves is the most important thing that we can do. When we change our perception of ourselves, we change other people’s perception of us too. And what better way to start to love ourselves than by worshipping ourselves in the mirror.

About the author:
Niaby is an ex stockbroker turned healer, spiritual medium, author, and podcast host. She hopes to inspire people to find the power to heal themselves, so in turn, they too can inspire others to do the same. https://thespiritoflifeinibiza.com
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